A Personal Insight...

Welcome back to the blogging world Steve Weiland. I figure 9 months is long enough. My how things have changed since my last blog. Whoever thought I'd miss a month of church. Certaintly not me, but it happened. I got my car back today which is a definant bonus. I missed her. One things for sure I'm still running the lonely street. No big surprise there though. I guess I'm good at being alone. And hey I've still got God there. Although in a different way. For those of you praying for me thanks. I most likely need it these days. I'm not really sure how it happened but I've become disconnected from a lot of people I care about. And for that I'm truly sorry. Maybe it had to do with the fact I've come to the conclusion that I can't help with peoples problems so I'm avoiding them all together. Maybe it something else. All I do know is that I haven't given into the temptations that surround me all the time. I guess I can take some comfort in that. And because of that I know God is still there. I guess maybe I don't want Him to struggle with me. Man I hate getting help. Even from the Big JC. Go figure. I wonder how long it will take all you to read this. I move out in 3 months. Hopefully that'll go well. Work is still going well. 8 months and rolling now. I know I'm rambling all over the place but that's where my minds at. I should be sleeping. But can't. Helping my sister move out in a couple of hours. That'll be weird. After that I've got work. Good thing Tim's supervising. Cause I'm going to be really friggin tired. If I've let you down in some way I'd like to apologize for that as well. Geepers I'm feeling apologetic. Geepers mister. Well there's my disney moment for the night. Super blog here we go. Who knows when I'll blog next. If I haven't talked to you and you want to call me (yes communication is a two way street) feel free to call me at 630-532-4802. Jon boy if you read this please call and leave a message on my cell phone for what it is you want. Cause I've been trying to get a hold of you. Oh pastor mike the path I've been walking has nothing to do with pride. I have very little. My only pride is knowing that God is there. My reaction to you a couple weeks ago was more of hurt than anything else. I just know certain things that I won't do because of where I've come from. Man have I distanced myself from who I used to be. It's at this point that I may decide not to publish this. So if you end up reading this it was a feat of will for me to post this. I could just take the cowards way out but for now I won't. Erin to you I feel sorrow for the most. I don't know what happened, but I'm going to try and repair the damage my silence has done. Maybe I'll cry tonight. Maybe I won't. Crying would feel so good right now. Up there it is, a tear. I'm listening to a song I haven't heard in forever. "For the Glory of Your Name" by Michelle Tumes. The Holy Spirit definately has a way of His own. What I wouldn't do for a good hug right now. Life like this sometimes. Not knowing what to do. But one has to keep going. To not give up. I think that's what life is. To keep moving. To keep trying. To succeed. To fail. And then in the end just to breathe. On to Rufus Wainwright
"Hallelujah". Well frick that done. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't stand me sometimes. Open up to someone. Yeesh. Oh what's that you can't. There's a surprise. I've opened up a few people. But they are all gone now. I miss you Liz. You could always make me cry when I needed to. And pick me back up after. (pause to cry). I think that's it for now. I wonder where I'll be in 9 months. that'll be interesting.